Sometimes it all gets a bit too much

21:20


In life, things always become a bit too much. Whether it be a job, workload, socialising - it happens. We're all human and I'd honestly be surprised if I came across someone who doesn't get overwhelmed at times. Even people who seem 'together' struggle. For the past few days on and off I've not been feeling my greatest. Anxiety has randomly crept up on me for no reason, depression has been hitting me too... It's been a bit of a mess in all honesty.

I think it's been due to not really having a routine since my lectures haven't started back yet. I've been off university for basically 2 months straight now and it's become difficult to attempt to be calm, relaxed and 'sane'. I've not been as bad as last summer where everything I was doing was making me irritable, and I'd have a breakdown every few days, but I still feel overwhelmed.

Whenever I feel like this, I always feel really guilty for doing so because when I talk to people about it, I feel like I'm being a bother. I feel like I'm being inconvenient and that I need to be okay 100% of the time. In reality, I would like to be okay all the time. I hate feeling anxious, I hate feeling depressed, I hate waking up in the middle of the night because of a bad dream, I hate it taking me over two hours to finally switch my brain off before I go to bed, I hate that I have to occupy myself all the time so that I don't dwell on thoughts and begin to feel negative and depressed.

I often sit there to myself and think: What do I want in life? I want to be happy all the time, I want to feel on top of the world, I want to wake up and know that the day is going to be a good day. Honestly, I'm really envious of those who are always bubbly and optimistic. I wish I could do that. Happiness is one of the few things I care about in my life, like truly, madly and deeply. I know that people can't be happy 100% of the time, although they may seem it. I feel like the balance of my mood is more negative than positive - but I just pull through.

 Love is also one of those things. I'm currently in a relationship which has just hit its first year mark and I couldn't be happier in that respect. I always get paranoid that one day he will fall out of love with me. That's my relationship anxiety, which I honestly hate to bits. I hate getting the anxious feeling sometimes that he'll leave me. I know full well he isn't going to as he has told me before, but the anxiety is like a ball of hatred towards myself that likes to tell me lies and make me feel like crap. I love him to bits and I know he loves me too.

Sorry for being such a drag today, I can't act like my life is happy all of the time when it really isn't. I'm only human and choose to share certain bits of my life with you all, but I'm here to let you know that life isn't going to be all roses and perfection. Life is full of twists, turns and not nice bits which unfortunately we can't avoid.

Never feel guilty for feeling negative and not bubbly or chirpy. We all have our down days and we are entitled to feel however we like, regardless of what it is. My boyfriend told me something today which I'm going to start carrying it through my life, and I want to share it with you too. Next time you feel guilty for feeling bad or for having a bad mental health day, no matter what you say about yourself for it, whether it's "Oh, I feel stupid for feeling this way", or "I don't deserve to be happy" - Think you're saying it to someone else. You wouldn't say things like that to another, like saying they don't deserve happiness or are stupid for feeling how they do. So don't think you deserve it to be said to yourself.



Disclaimer: Header image is not mine, it's a free stock photo!

Feel free to follow me on Twitter: @chloemtommo, Instagram: @chloetommo and Bloglovin.
Have an amazing day!

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